Bishop's Divine Timing

It's been a year since Bishop's life in this world began. It is amazing to think that after everything I've done in my life and as many times that I have turned my back on God He never gave up on me and even blessed me with the incredible gift of a healthy baby. I'm ashamed that at one time I didn't think of my baby as a gift. I've watched so many friends struggle to conceive and loose their precious babies. It makes me sick that I cried instead of rejoicing the moment I found out I was pregnant but I was blinded by self pity because it wasn't the "ideal" time in my life to get pregnant. When I was pregnant I went into a deep depression because I got pregnant during the hardest time of my life, my divorce, I was unable to recognize what a blessing my pregnancy would actually be. All I felt was shame and satan was taking advantage of it and pushing me deeper and deeper into my depression. I asked God for forgiveness and knew that I was instantly forgiven and washed clean of sin. If I had no reason to feel shame in front of Him then I certainly shouldn't feel it in front of anyone else. I remember crying to my Dad because I was starting to show and realized that soon people would know about my pregnancy. I will never forget him telling me to hold my head up high that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Satan would have me keep a scarlet letter on for the rest of my life but God would never had wanted me to put it on to begin with. It wasn't until I was several months pregnant and stumbled across a chapter in Rick Warren's book A Purpose Driven Life that I slowly started to come out of my depression. As I read "I am your Creator you were in My care even before you were born" something clicked in me. God knew what would be best for me and it was no surprise to Him that Bishop would be born and that because of Bishop my faith would be strengthen and my life forever changed. God knew all along that I would have this baby He knew the circumstances that it would be under and my baby had been with Him this whole time waiting for that exact moment to happen before entering into my world. I joke with Jeremy about this image that I have in my head about when Bishop came into this world. In my mind he is in a airplane next to Jesus and lots of other babies. Jesus is calling each one by name and telling them its time and they all walk over and jump out of the plane and finally Jesus calls out "Bishop Alan Vines You're Up" and Bishop with his little parachute on his back, helmet and googles on obiedentilly gets up and walks over (yes he can walk in this image) and jumps out of the plane and lands directly in my womb. I know it's silly but it plays in my mind just like a little movie. I love knowing that Bishop was in God's care before I was pregnant with him. There is no question in my mind that life not only starts at conception but even before pregnancy. Life starts before we can scientifically show that it does. It starts when God decides it to and He sends that life to earth when He thinks it should begin here. We have the scripture to prove it! Next time something happens in my life that I don't understand I won't doubt God's plan, I will instead glorify Him through the struggle of it.

"To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in You I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let enemies triumph over me, no one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame." ~Psalm 25:1-2